Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Hoping for something out of nothing...

"Gusto mo bang pagusapan? Gusto mong mag-isa? 
Alam ko kung anong nararamdaman mo. 
Masakit, kahit alam mong wala kang karapatan masaktan.
Pero nararamdaman mo nagkakaunawaan kayo, pero di nyo pa napaguusapan.
May nararamdaman ka sa kanya. At sa iyo, sapat na yun para ituring mo na sa iyo siya.
Mahirap yung mahal na mahal mo ang isang tao, na sa puso't isip inangkin mo na siya.
Tapos hindi naman pala para sa iyo.
Masakit, pero wala kang magagawa."
- Bert to Cristina(Bobby Andrews to Regine Velasquez) from the movie Pangako ikaw Lang

This kind of love is the classic I-know-that-you-know-that-I-like-you-but-we-just-have-not-talked-about-it-yet.


And what's worse, is that you cannot talk about it. You cannot even react. You cannot even cry in front of the person. You cannot even get angry to that person. Because YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT.

Yes! You don't even have the right to say that you LOVE that person.

You cannot even admit to yourself that after just a short span of time, that you've fallen in love with that person.

And you know what's the WORST?... Is that YOU CANNOT EVEN WALK AWAY FROM THAT PERSON. You Cannot erase that person in your life. You cannot even delete that person's number on your mobile phone. You cannot hide from that person. Because you don't want to stir suspicions from other people that you are hurting and you don't have any option but to suck it up and deal with it. You don't want other people to know about what is happening, because you are so afraid of the awkward silences, piercing stares, rumors, gossip mongers and snide comments. You cannot live with that because you know that you still have unfinished business to do around him, and YOU JUST DON'T HAVE THE CHOICE TO VANISH FROM THAT PERSON'S LIFE COMPLETELY.

And the MOST AWFUL feeling, is that you cannot run away. You cannot even tell that person that you are hurting even though that person has an inkling feeling that there is something wrong.

The only time you'll get stronger is when there is no other choice but to be strong. =(

Extracted from my Grave...

Due to my friends' demand...
My Facebook Account is now Resurrected... or is it Reactivated...hahahaha ;)))
More than 2 months of hiatus mode from the social media and cyber world had been a great Sabbatical for me.

I renewed me from within.

I learn how to keep my emotions. Not every one wants to know what you do, who you are with, and what's going on with your life. But the people who cherishes you and the people that matters to you will search for you, find you not only in the cyber world, but also in the real world.

I also learn how to keep mum about what you feel at the moment... Most especially strong emotions, like anger or elated... Because most of the times, when you've sobered up, the decisions and promises you've made, are not the decisions and promises that you'd want to stick up to....

So before I post, I should think about 10-100 times..^_^


Ever since I started maintaining cyber accounts, I keep only the minimum amount as much as possible of every kind... or maybe none at all. I just feel that I do not need as much portals to possibly reach all of my friends. And maybe that is why I got hooked on Facebook even though I do no play any online games there... actually, I almost don't play any online games at all. :))

There were a lot of indications that I was so hooked in FB that I almost don't sleep at all, even on a school night. I'm a law student, so my classes are in the afternoons and nights, but I only get to sleep around 4-6hours a day because I spend most of my nights browsing and surfing the internet and lurking in FB, and most of my sleep was in the morning. My insomnia is getting worse by the day. I sometimes don't sleep for 2 days because I just couldn't sleep anymore. I tried a lot of times to   get away from FB for a few days or at least a week, but I always end up just keeping away from it for a few days. I also tried deactivating, but I just end up reactivating after 24hours.

But this first semester of this current school year, something prompted me to really deviate from my addiction and get away from social media. For now, I've been away from FB for more than a month now and it's been great. I'm still a late sleeper, but at least I'm sleeping at night now, unlike before.

And because of my sabbatical in social media I learn:
-To think before I click.
-To filter what to say.
-To be mindful that every thing I post, there's someone who will read it.
-To be aware that everything I post will forever be etched in someone else's memory.
-To hide what I feel for the moment.
-To lessen my cyber stalking.
-That not all people doesn't care much about you...they actually do care, and you'll just find out when you leave.